


gotta find a way to be okay

by loverlyharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry's not ready, M/M, Mpreg, baby talk, i just wanted to write about what I think would happen if this situation could actually come up?, neither is louis honestly, there are indirect mentions of abortion in case you don't want to read that, they're young and in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 20:55:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6923014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverlyharry/pseuds/loverlyharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baby talk is all good and well until it isn't just talk anymore</p>
            </blockquote>





	gotta find a way to be okay

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Chainsaw by Nick Jonas because that's what I was listening to when I finished this.  
> (It has absolutely nothing to do with it though oops)

 

Harry was going to tell Louis. He really was. As soon as Louis woke up, he'd tell him.

But Louis woke up in such a good mood, he was soft and sleepy and offered him a blowjob before he could even get a word in, so, really he had no choice but to say yes. Who was he to say no to Louis Tomlinson's lips? 

Then as Harry was regaining his senses Louis decided to make muffins, and Harry loved muffins. He didn't want to disturb him and accidentally make him mess up, not at all. (Especially since they were _blueberry_ muffins. Harry adored blueberry muffins). 

So, Harry didn't tell him that day.

The next day he awoke to an upset Louis groaning about all the work he had to get done, and he couldn't go and pop this kind of surprise on his poor boyfriend out of nowhere when he was already stressed, so he would tell him the following day.

 

A week passed, then two more. Harry got jittery, couldn't stand being around  Louis alone for too long without spilling his secret; this was quite difficult considering they lived together and spent pretty much all their time together.

He took a nap on afternoon, he'd been feeling tired off late but he was steadfastly not thinking about it being related to the thing growing inside of him. He was awoken a while later by a very confused looking Louis shaking him.

"Harry, what is this?"

"Mmmhgm," he mumbled as he pulled the cover above his head.

"No, Harry, don't do that right now. Is this yours?" His voice was.. stern, almost? Harry turned to look at him and froze when he saw the pregnancy test in his hand and the expression on his face. It was confused, but also shuttered. He was angry. (Maybe he had a right to be.)

"It's not.. I was going to tell you.."

"When? When were you going to tell me? Because to my knowledge we haven't emptied the trash in a few weeks and this was on the very bottom, which is the only reason I even saw it. Were you even planning on telling me at all or would you rather I have found out when you were five months in and showing?"

"I would have, I just.. I don't think I can do it, I was going to - " He paused and looked away. Maybe he hadn't exactly been that nervous about telling Louis, even if that was a big part of it, he wasn't _ready_. He liked how things were now, he didn't want to tell him and have to make a real-life, adult decision. One that would change him no matter what he chose. But how could he get rid of something made of _love?_   Because love was all he felt for Louis. There was annoyance when he got snappy and there was worry when he worked too much and came home tired all the time, but on top of all of that was some kind of complete and absolute love that he didn't even know what to do with, and that he didn't want to think about hurting any part of. What was he supposed to do when either option made him want to cry? He was twenty-two, for gods sake, fresh out of uni. He wasn't ready for this.

"What were you going to do?" Louis pursed his lips and he was staring straight at Harry. 

He couldn't take it. Harry's ever were watering now, his resolve gone.

"Harry, tell me. How long has it been? Why didn't this ever come up?"

He was ready to snap, Harry could see it, and he couldn't handle that. 

"Give me a minute! I'm so sorry, but please, just give me a minute Louis." He sniffled and Louis sighed as he sat down, keeping his distance. Harry's head fell onto his arms as he tipped it forward a bit, and he scrubbed his face with his hand and discreetly wiped his nose on his sleeve before turning and facing Louis, who was leaning against the headboard and staring at him. Harry criss-crossed his legs and looked at Louis' sock as he took a breath. 

"I took it three and a half weeks ago, just because I was a bit under the weather and Gemma suggested I check. I wasn't expecting it to be positive and I'm just not ready, not even close to ready for this. I didn't know how to tell you because telling you would mean I'd have to actually think about it and make a decision and what if we disagreed? I don't think I'd be able to stand myself if I drove you away because of it. I was so upset, and I didn't want it because I thought it would ruin everything we have, I almost.. I.."

"You almost got _rid_ of it?"

"Yes but I didn't, I couldn't do that by myself! I love you and this _baby_ that's in me was made out of our love and how could I destroy that? And without even telling you?"

"But you didn't. Now that it's out in the open we can talk about it, okay? Can we do that now?"

"Louis, didn't you hear? I almost got rid of it! I'm awful! But I'm so scared I don't know what to do," He was nearing tears again and he looked away as he tried to blink through them. 

"I'm still upset you didn't tell me, Harry."

 Harry nodded and wiped his eyes, missing a bit and smearing a salty tear across his face. Louis had a right to be upset.  

"Hey, you don't have to do it alone, Harry. That's what I'm here for. I love you and I am upset you didn't tell me but we'll figure it out, yeah?"

Louis stretched over and picked up Harry's hands in his own, gently tugging him closer. Harry crawled over with wobbly knees and sat in the v of Louis' legs before resting his forehead on Louis' shoulder. Warm hands came up to his back as Louis leaned forward to gather him into his arms. 

A quiet and muffled"'M sorry" came out of Harry's mouth and he just felt lips press to his hair and he felt Louis sigh.

"We can talk about it in a bit. Why don't we just rest a while, yeah?" Harry was still hazy from his nap and knew he would fall asleep again if given the chance.

"Louis?"

"Mm?"

"I... Ah.. I hadn't thought of it as an actual baby until today. I've just been picturing that plus sign on that test but it's a real living baby. And it's inside me." His words were muffled into Louis' shoulder still, but Louis understood.

"I know, Harry. And this is a huge thing, it is, but it's us yeah? I don't think _anything_  to do with you could turn out any other way than everything I've ever wanted."

"You can't get sappy with me now or I'll cry all over your shirt," Harry responded quietly, punctuating his sentence with a sniffle and an open mouthed kiss to Louis' collar bone and settling his face into Louis' neck.

Louis chuckled and Harry gave a wet laugh as well, but they both quietened down after a minute.

"But I really really love you, so fucking much. And I'm sorry, I know this is something I should have told you right away so we could have talked about it earlier."

Louis made a noise of assent but didn't say anything, and he eventually moved back a bit - making Harry hit his nose on his shoulder ans groan as he was jostled - and got under the covers with Harry close behind. He was being protective already, Harry noticed, and his eyes lingered on Harry's stomach as he slid next to him. Louis wrapped an arm around Harry's middle from behind him and fit his face in Harry's neck, he avoided touching Harry's stomach until Harry himself took his hand and gently placed it square in the middle. It didn't feel any different to Louis, it was too early for that, but everything else felt different enough. 

"I don't want this to ever happen again, though. Please. I don't think I can handle it, just _tell_ me when something's wrong, or something's happened. I love you and us being together means we talk about this stuff, okay?"

Harry nodded, albeit sideways and half-asleep. He figured Louis would know, and he was right.

*

When Harry woke up again it was almost five in the afternoon and Louis was already up, his hand absently playing with the sheets as he leaned against the headboard. He gave Harry a tight smile when he noticed he was up and Harry slowly rubbed his eyes and shoved the covers down so he could sit across from Louis. 

"Can we talk about it now?" Louis was looking at him carefully, his mouth in a thin line and his eyes both tired and worried.

Harry nodded but didn't look at him. Louis paused before reaching out a hand for Harry's and that pause, it _hurt_. Harry took it anyway and traced his fingertips on Louis' palm as Louis let out a breath.

"Harry, look at me please."

He looked up and they locked eyes and Harry knew he had to do this, bring it all out into the open, but it wasn't easy. 

"I don't know what to do. I don't want to upset you even more but this isn't what I pictured for myself at twenty-two."

"You aren't going to disappoint me Harry, we just need to have a conversation about this. Whatever you feel is perfectly fine and I won't be upset with you as long as you _talk_ to me about it. If we have this baby or if we don't because we aren't ready, none of it is going to upset me. I'm not going to love you any less because of what you say."

Harry chewed on his lip and mulled over his thought before speaking softly, like it was a secret.

"I've always wanted to have kids with you, you know?"

"I do know that. You know I have too."

"But at twenty two and twenty four? I don't even have a job Louis, how can we do this and put the financial pressure all on you? I just got a bloody degree in English and I want to use it before having any kids. Is that selfish?"

"That's not selfish. It's just you wanting to do what you've worked toward for the past four years."

"What do we do?"

"What do you want to do?" Louis asked him this with a calculating look like he was trying to figure him out. 

"I...I want it to be just us for a while. It's too early and I'm not ready to share you yet," Harry said quietly, tapering off to a whisper at the end. 

"I don't think I'm quite ready either, love."

Harry looked down toward his stomach sadly. 

"I feel so awful," he whispered, almost to himself. "I always thought when this happened I'd be ready for it, and I'd be happy to tell you."

"Why don't we make a doctor's appointment and go, hm? We can just see how long it's been and talk about the different options we have. Nothing is set in stone yet, yeah?"

Harry looked back up and nodded, giving him a tiny smile. 

* 

They went about their week as usual, but quieter, more thoughtful. There were little touches just to let the other know they were there, and there were cuddles and a few tears. They made an appointment and they held hands throughout, and whatever the outcome was they knew they'd be okay. It was them, after all, and they were always okay as long as they were together.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it! It was a mess but so am I.


End file.
